


Beyond the Fourth Wall

by J97Masaki



Category: Gintama
Genre: Comedy, Gen, No Plot/Plotless, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Slice of Life, dumping my old unfinished work, rated as such for the liberty of languages, tags will be updated if new characters are added which by extention means new chapters are uploaded
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 03:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8781335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J97Masaki/pseuds/J97Masaki
Summary: An uncanny young woman rings the bell of the Yorozuya one morning, and fits in perfectly in the middle of Gintama's wild comedic life. She lives up to her name of being a "festival". What's more, she also claims to be a "fan" of Gintama.





	1. Festivals aren't just about Dates on Calendars

**Author's Note:**

> I dig through my old folders to find this forgotten fic sitting quietly collecting dust. When I was reading it, I found that I wasn't such a terribly horrible writer I thought I was.  
> This story doesn't have much of a plot going on other than Matsuri trying to meet all of the casts from Gintama. And it's more of a freeform writing of some sort from my part. So I welcome suggestions (mind you that I can be a stubborn areshole, though).

               “Pardon?” came the sound of a mildly confused Gintoki.

               “I think she said she wanted to stay here, aru,” and the weird speech pattern of a certain Yato girl.

               “And that’s basically why Gin-san said ‘pardon’, Kagura-chan,” while not forgetting the talking spectacles – I mean, the bespectacled young man.

               What has happened, really, we will need to rewind about 15 minutes before.

               ‘The land of samurai’, there was a time when Japan was called – STAHP!! It should’ve been 15 minutes prior, not 15 seasons!

               Excuse me, pardon me, let me try again.

               It was a morning like any other. The sun was shining, Shinpachi doing the usual chores, Gintoki lazing around with Jump in his hand, and Kagura teaching Sadaraharu how to woe bitches – not _that_ kind of bitches. When there’s a knock on the door, Shinpachi automatically dropped the thing he’d been doing to open it, while Gintoki and Kagura stared sceptically thinking whether that was just another mailman or an actual customer.

               “ _Haaaai~!_ ” Shinpachi called out while getting the door. There, by the door, stood an oddly-dressed girl. Well, not exactly, but since everyone and their children wear kimono in Gintama, the way the girl dresses isn’t really a common sight.  A simple t-shirt and black jeans topped with a loose kimono jacket tied around the waist, giving the vibe of modest, casual wearer. Shinpachi’s first reflex upon seeing the girl was _‘Otsuu-chan would definitely look better in the same clothes!’_ denying his actual first thought of _‘Beautiful…”_

“Hello, Shinpachi-kun,” the sudden familiar name being heard from an unfamiliar face gave Shinpachi quite a jump, “May I come in?”

               Shinpachi, in a mixture of surprise, confused and nervous, couldn’t help to stutter, “Y-y-y-y-yes! P-p-p-please, c-c-come in!”

               The girl giggled, reminding Shinpachi of how his ane-ue’s kind smile looks. But he supposed that comes with age. What different was the playful, excited glint in her eyes instead of Otae’s patient one.

               When the both of them entered the living room, or the so called office room, Gintoki had moved to his table, Kagura was sitting nicely on the couch, and Sadaharu was sleeping in the corner. It seemed like they were putting up the pretence of professionalism for the girl. Expecting an impressed customer, the Yorozuya trio were surprised when the girl laughed softly instead.

               “Gin-chan,” Kagura said, “I think the tactic to get a tip for being professional failed, na.”

               “I can _hear_ that, Kagura-chan,” Gintoki replied as the girl’s soft laughter started to die down.

               “I-I’m sorry,” the girl apologises between breaths, “I wasn’t expecting you guys to suddenly act professional. Ah, though I do think you can be professional sometimes.”

               “ _Uhum!_ Well then, please sit down while I serve you some tea,” Sinpachi offered.

               “Oh about that,” for some reason nobody had noticed the incredibly packed bag the girl carried when she first came, as she rummaged through I looking for something. Seriously, the bag could fit 2 dead gorillas without being mutilated first. She pulled out a nicely wrapped item and handed it to Shinpachi, “This is for you. They’re assortments of tea. You can open and try one, if you’d like, and we’d drink it together. No need to treat me as a formal client.”

               “Aaa, not fair!” Kagura chimed in, “How come Shinpachi gets present and I don’t?!”

               “ _Chotto_ , Kagura, she just told him to pour it, that just meant she doesn’t want our commoner tea and simply want her fancy tea,” Gintoki explained.

               “How rude! I’m hurt! I did bring something for each of you, you know?”

               “Really, na!? Did you bring sukonbu, na? Did you bring sukonbu-flavoured sukonbu for me?” The excited Kagura jumped across the table before being pulled by the collar by Gintoki.

               “Don’t fall for that, Kagura! Remember the last time someone paid us up front? It bounds to be one pain-in-the-balls job that we’d regret accepting!” It sure is weird to actually talk in whispers while still can be heard by Shinpachi who had left to the kitchen. “And anyway, what the hell’s a sukonbu-flavoured sukonbu!?”

               During the whole debate the girl was once again rummaging through her bag. When she found what she needed – which was, to say, a plastic bag of pickled daikon – she put it in front of the two and swung it side to side, resulting small crackling noise that turned the two’s attention to her. Kagura’s eyes were now trained to the bag, while Gintoki’s ‘Oi Kagura, snap out of it!’ left ignored. The girl put the bag on the table.

               “Go ahead, it’s just konomon,” ushered the girl. Kagura didn’t wait another second to open the bag and _tasted_ some.

               “It’s so gooood! It’s so good, Gin-chan! It’s the first time I eat konomon! Why have you never bought some for me!?” Kagura spoke excitedly she was now choking Gintoki.

               “Can’t…breathe…!” The choked Gintoki tried his best to speak.

               “Here’s the tea,” Shinpahi came with 4 cups of tea, “Erh, Kagura-chan, I think Gin-san is about to die.”

               The girl’s soft chuckle could be heard again, and the glitters in her eyes seemed to grow brighter by the minute. Smelling the unusually sweet smell from the tea Shinpachi poured, Kagura let go of Gintoki and sat nicely.

               Everyone picked their cup and drank slowly. Upon first sip, everyone let out a delightful ‘aah…’ and seemed to melt away. Their faces turned stupidly relax like Hijikata’s during his mayoland adventure.

               “Somehow… I don’t feel like choking you again, aru,” Kagura said.

               “Ahh, so you did that on purpose? Somehow, I don’t feel like getting worked up about it,” said Gintoki. Soft chuckles erupted from the room.

               “Yeah, somehow I don’t feel like doing _tsukkomi_ today, either,” Shinpachi said. And that was when all heads snapped to him, removing the relaxed vibe that was in the room for barely a few seconds.

               “ _Konoyarooo_!!” Gintoki smacked Shinpachi’s head, then grabbed his collar, “Don’t get carried away, you little shit! You are only useful for your cleaning, _tsukkomi_ and glasses! Without even one you’re just a NEET, a NEET, I’m telling ya!”

               “No, but, I _am_ employed to you-- _buhegh!_ ” Shinpachi was cut when Kagura pushed Gintoki and took turn holding his collar, and was shaking his head in addition.

               “He’s right, Shinpachi! The 3 things are what made you Shinpachi, aru! Without one you’re just gonna be another _Shinpachi_ , aru!”

               “Then what the hell’s the difference, you idiot!?” Shinpachi snapped.

               “Ah, he’s back,” everyone else said at the same time.

               A Sadaharu-yawn later, and everyone was sitting nicely in their place again.

               “So, about this request of yours, what exactly do you want us to do?” Gintoki asked nonchalantly.

               “Nothing,” the girl answered without missing a beat. The smile still plastered on her face.

               “…eh?”

               “I just want your permission to stay here for a while.”

               “…pardon?” And that is where we catch up to real-time.

               “I want to stay with you guys for some time, I’ll even pay the rent if I ever stayed for a month. Oh, and by the way, my name is Matsuri. Shinsei Matsuri. Call me Matsuri.”

               There’s a long pause before Shinpachi finally speaks up, “Um, Matsuri-san, we don’t quite get it. You want to stay _here_? Why?”

               “Because I’m a fan.”

               “A fan? Like that there in the corner of our room?” Gintoki points at a cooling fan.

               “Or like the machine Gin-chan delusionally claimed to have destroyed when trying to find a fan?” Kagura chimed in.

               “Oi, it was the truth!”

               “No, no. A fan, as in, Shinpachi is one over Otsuu-chan,” The Yorozuya trio stared at Matsuri in disbelieve, Kagura and Gintoki are even picking their nose.

               “Matsuri-san, there’s a limit to how far a joke should be stretched.” Shinpachi said.

               “Eh? I’m everything rotten, sure, but pretty sure I’m not a liar,” Matsuri explains defensively, “You see, I came from quite far away. You know the place called ‘fourth wall’? Well, I came from beyond that.”

               “Yeah, sure you are,” Gintoki says in a monotonous tone, “It’s as if you’re saying you’re our _reader_ or something.”

               “But, I am.”

               “Gin-chan, she said she is,” Kagura poked at Gintoki.

               “Yea, right! Like this crappy manga has a fan, nevertheless a reader, for that matter.” Gintoki flicks the booger from his pinky.

               “Ah well, you’re not dead yet, aren’t you? That means this manga is still alive, and it wouldn’t be without readers and fans,” argued Matsuri.

               “…she has a point, Gin-san,” Meanwhile Kagura is cleaning her finger on Shinpachi’s hakama.

               “See, I know you’d get it, Shinpachi,” Matsuri beamed with praises. “I don’t really get how I’m here, either, but I figured I might as well enjoy it fully. And what better ways should it be done other than staying with the beloved main characters, ne?”

               The Yorozuyas form a circle and starts discussing among themselves for decision, occasionally glancing over to where Matsuri sits. Matsuri finds the sight humorous, though she kinda worries about the answer. But then again, if they refused, this fanfiction would come to an early end. So she shouldn’t worry, right?

               “Aaaalright, here’s the deal.” Gintoki says in authoritative voice, “Nobody here is a dead weight, so if you decided to stay, you need to be able to take care of yourself.”

               “No problem!” Matsuri replies joyfully. Yeah, this fanfic wouldn’t just end before anything begun.


	2. Dine and Dash is Almost as Exciting as Attending a Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best gift anyone can give to the Yorozuya as a whole are which that goes to their stomach. The questionably rich stranger is taking them on a fancy lunch.

               “Anyway, the day is still long, and I have a lot of souvenirs in my bag to be handed out. Would you guys like to accompany me around Kabukichou?” Matsuri asks.

               “Haaaah?  I thought I just told you not to be a dead weight?” counters Gintoki, “If you wanna go for a walk then just go!”

               “Giving me the S attitude, aren’t you? Or maybe you’re just a _tsun_ under all that,”Matsuri snorts. “Okay then you leave me no choice,” Matsuri stands up. When she’s about to leave the room she turn around and say “I’ll buy anyone who comes with me lunch.”

               Next thing known, everyone is outside taking a walk to a nearby restaurant. Matsuri is giggling happily, followed with Kagura who is mumbling names of food she’d like to order, an indifferent-faced Gintoki, and Shinpachi who is more civil is standing beside Matsuri giving her a brief explanation of things.

               “So, what do you want for lunch, guys?” Matsuri asks.

               “Parfait.”

               “It’s been a while since I ate _sake chazuke_ with egg.”

               “I don’t mind any food, as long as it’s filling,” then add a little bit too quietly, “but beef should be good.”

               “Heh… this place looks good, though,” Matsuri is reading a menu book outside of some sushi restaurant. The kind of place Yorozuya can only dream of dining in. No need to say, they’re all salivating.

               “Baagen Dazs on the way home should be good enough.”

               “They sell _sake chazuke_ at _konbini_ , after all, uhuh!”

               “Screw _gyuu-don_.”

               “It’s decided then! Let’s go in!” Matsuri leads the way cheerily.

               The group orders everything on the menu. During their meal, Matsuri excuses herself to the toilet. Strangely enough, she doesn’t return even after Kagura fills her stomach. The waiters are now looking at them, and so are other costumers. The latter are probably in awe with the amount of plates stacked on their table. It’s getting really awkward sitting there without doing anything. They start to sweat nervously.

               “Gin-san,” Shinpachi whispers, “You don’t think that Matsuri-san has ditched us here, do you?”

               “Hrrmm…”

               “Gin-chan, I don’t think she’s in the toilet, either, aru. There’s only one stall here and other people have been coming in and out.”

               “Hhhrrrrmmmm……”

               “Gin-san, what do we do?” Shinpachi asks nervously.

               “HRRMMMMMM….!!”

               “Gin-chan, should we run?”

               “No, wait, she’s already coming back, there.” Gintoki points.

               “Hm?” Both Kagura and Shinpachi turn their head to see a very fat and very ugly woman who is very definitely not Matsuri behind them. When they turn their head back, Gintoki is already suavely reaching for the exit.

               “AHHH!!!” they then run after Gintoki, leaving the restaurant and ignoring the waiter’s call.

               After they left, feminine giggles can be heard from behind the cashier counter.

 

**\----------**

 

               Several hours later, the Yorozuya finally returns to their home. They’ve been hiding in the city in fear of getting caught. When they reach home, There stands Matsuri with all her glory and a mischievous grin similar to that of the Yorozuyas.

               “YOU!!” Gintoki points to where Matsuri is looking down at them from the second floor.

               Whatever Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura are about to say is cut off by Matsuri throwing paper plane which safely landed on Gintoki’s head like a bird perched to its nest.

               “Don’t worry, I paid the bill.”

               Gintoki reaches to the paper and unfolds it. The 2 young-uns take a peek and sure enough, it is the bill from the sushi restaurant.

               “Eeeeh!?” Shinpachi shouts,  “Then, that means you were there the whole time!?”

               “Yup!” Matsuri smiles innocently.

               “That’s so mean!” Kagura chimes, “Do you have fun bullying us, seeing us in panic?  You… you rich people! Making fun of the poors!”

               “As a matter of fact, I did have fun.” The glint in Matsuri’s eyes holds no regret.

               “You damn woman, playing around with your elder.”

               “Eh? What?  Did you just say you were old, Gintoki?” Matsuri mocks, “Did you admit you were an _ossan_? Man, I thought you were still young and hip to take a little joke.”

               “What did you say, you bitch!? Just letting you know I am forever a kid at heart! I’m a regular reader of JUMP, dammit! Love and friendship is the ideals of ever youngsters, so I’ll be forever young! Just the other day I went to the playground---”

               “SHUT UUUUUUP!!” Otose suddenly comes out, “You are disturbing the neighbours! If you wanna fight do it in your own house!” and that’s when Otose sees Matsuri.

               “Hallo~,” Matsuri greets.

               There’s a long pause before Otose finally speaks up again.

               “Gintoki, I thought I told you to quit drinking already. You can’t possibly afford to take responsibility for another woman.”

               “Can it, _baba_! I didn’t put nothing in her!”

               “Yeah,” Shinpachi adds, “Gin-san is a loser but he wouldn’t be able to score a lady even when he’s drunk.”

               “Uhuh! Not to mention she’s shitty rich!” Kagura adds.

               “Uhh, you meant _filthy_ rich? Kagura-chan, a girl should watch what she’s saying,” Shinpachi corrects.

               “I see, so you’re taking advantage of this woman’s money, huh?” Otose concludes.

               “I am NOT!!” denies Gintoki.

               “Awh… but I just paid your lunch, too,” Matsuri says.

               “You, shut up!” Gintoki is exasperated.

               Matsuri is laughing out loud while holding the handlebar for dear life. She is enjoying every moment in this fic. Every eyes turn to her.

               A cough from Otose brings the attention back to the first floor. “Anyway, go back upstairs, you’re blocking the door. It’s almost dawn, customers will start coming.”

               And that’s exactly what they do. They go upstairs in silent, passing a smiling Matsuri who’s relaxing on the rail, opens the door, and slams it back before Matsuri enters.

               “Eeeeeeh!?” Matsuri whines, “Come on, guys! I’m sorry! Heeeey don’t leave meee! Oh, I know, I went shopping just now, I can cook you dinner. Heeeey, pleeaaase? I don’t have anywhere else to go…! Open uuuuup!”

               Inside the trio are enjoying tea while listening to Matsuri’s begging. When she threatens to scream, they brace themselves for whatever problem she’d cause with Otose. But the scream is never heard. In fact, no more noise can be heard from outside.

               “Do you think she’s left?” Kagura asks.

               “Maybe, I don’t care.” Gintoki replies.

               “Don’t you think we’re being too mean?” Shinpachi worries.

               “Nahh. A person who plays with other people doesn’t deserve sympathy.” Gintoki picks his nose.

               After the Yorozuya had dinner, Shinpachi is going home. When he opens the door, she finds Matsuri sitting down with an onigiri in her hand.

               “Hey, going home?” she asks nonchalantly.

               “Y-yeah,” he is taken aback, “Why are you still here, Matsuri-san?”

               “I’m waiting.”

               “Waiting?”

               “Yeah. Until Gintoki lets me in.” she grins.

               “Uhh… I don’t think he will, though.” Shinpachi shows his concern, “If you don’t have anywhere to go, would you like to stay in my dojo? I don’t think _ane-ue_ would mind.”

               “My, my, Shinpachi-kun! Inviting a woman to spend the night? You’re quite a wolf, aren’t you?” Matsuri jabs, her smile is almost as annoying as Gintoki’s.

               “N-NO!! Well, fine! Good night!” and he stomps away.

               Inside, Gintoki has been hearing the whole conversation. But he decides to play the sadist he is, still. Kagura is preparing for sleep, so she’s probably unaware of the exchange outside their house. Deciding it’s a bother to change, Gintoki simply takes off his kimono and lies on the sofa to sleep, accompanied by Sadaharu.

               After a light doze, Gintoki wakes up probably just before midnight. He needs to use the bathroom. When the business is done, he lightly wonders whether Matsuri would still be outside his door. There’s no way, though. What kind of woman slept outside someone’s home, right? But just to make sure, he’d take a little peek.

               And there she is, sleeping unprotected outside someone’s home, begging to be kidnapped and maybe even raped raped. He shivers at the thought. When Gintoki approaches her, however, she splits open her eyes and pulls a tanto from her waist and swings it upward. She stops right before slicing Gintoki’s precious treasure. Looking up, she sees him breaking in cold sweat.

               “Sorry ‘bout that,” she simply says, sheathing her tanto back.

               “Y-yeah…” Gintoki says nervously.

               “So, you letting me in, yet?” Matsuri asks sweetly.

               Gintoki sighs heavily. “Idiot. If I didn’t come out, would you stay there the whole night?”

               “Takes one to know one,” she responds to Gintoki’s claim of her intelligent, “And hey, I can take care of myself.”

               Flashback, her speed and precision that almost cuts Gin’s _tama_ plays in his mind. Gintoki lightly wonders why all the females he knows are monsters and freaks. While Gintoki was busy with his thoughts, Matsuri invites herself in.

               “Oi, wait a minute!” Gintoki calls when he’s broken from his transcend, “Who told you to come in!?”

               “Oh, stop playing it hard, will you? You know you’ll let me in. Don’t be so difficult.”

               Gintoki mutters complaints under his breath. When Matsuri turns to his room, he speaks up again.

               “Oi, who decides you could sleep in my room?”

               “You did,” she answers matter-of-factly.

               “Tch! Fine! I’ll sleep on the couch!”

               “What are you talking about? We’re sleeping together! And I forgot to buy another futon so we’ll share yours tonight.”

               “What!? Why do you get to decide what will and will not happen? And, hello? A man and a woman, sleeping on the same bed? Are you testing me? You’re testing me, aren’t you? And so you know I do have an extra futon--”

               “Stop making such a ruckus, will ya?” Matsuri sterns motherly, “We’re both adults, for heaven’s sake! We know how to keep in the beasts in us.”

               After more useless struggles on Gintoki’s part, Matsuri ends up dragging him to his room anyway. Spread the futon and ready to sleep, Gintoki is still hesitating. Sure he’s a perverted loser, but he still holds his moral high. Sleeping with a woman he’s just met is not part of bushido. Then again, his bushido isn’t what normal bushido is, so screw it, huh?

               After settling himself beside Matsuri, she puts the blanket over them. Despite all the fuss he made before, sleep comes very easy. Or, well, for Matsuri it does. Gintoki, however, is still wide awake. A glass of strawberry milk right now would help put him to sleep, but Matsuri has decided to make Gintoki’s arm her pillow. It will surely be sore in the morning.

               Now that he can’t move and can’t sleep, Gintoki is looking at the ceiling. He lightly muses about this woman who’s appeared out of nowhere and caused problems right from the start. A woman that doesn’t use a normal kimono, like nobody he knows; a woman with smiles, like that of the Gorilla Lady; a woman that seems to enjoy people’s misery, like that damned Sadist Kid; a woman that speaks her mind straight, like that cleaner robot; a woman that can sleep peacefully beside a man she has just met like a kid, like the damn gluttonous girl.

               Gintoki can recognize lies, and he is sure this woman is sincere in her every way. But why it is that something doesn’t feel right with her demeanour, he won’t know until he sees more of her.

               Speaking of which, she hasn’t changed her clothes yet. That means all the dirt from the day is now on Gintoki’s futon.

               Ah, screw it!

               And so Gintoki sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you squint there is a tiny introduction to a very miniscule plot in this chapter.


	3. Festivals Tend to Repeat the Same Entertainment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a girl sleeping with Gintoki. Who do you think will make the biggest fuss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter I have in my folder. Who knows when the next chapter gonna come. And what's going to unfold is a mystery even to the author. Tee hee <3

               Morning comes, and as usual, Shinpachi comes early to wake everyone. And just as thought, nobody is awake yet. Well, starts the normal routine. First, Kagura. Open the closet and that’s it, because if she were to accidentally hit him due to morning mumbles it would be very painful. Then to Gintoki’s room. Slide the door, enters, and got out immediately while slamming the door close. That’s not the routine, but seeing a woman sleeping beside his employer is also not routine.

               “What’s wrong, Shinpachi?” Kagura asks sleepily while rubbing her eyes.

               “Stay awaaaaay…….” Shinpachi answers in restrained tone.

               “Did something happen to Gin-chan, aru?” Kagura asks again, then she seems to lit up from a sudden idea, “Did he straighten his hair? Has his hair turned straight!?” she excitedly bumps Shinpachi aside.

               Shinpachi quickly regain his balance and holds Kagura, trying to stop her from opening the door. “No, stop! Kagura-chan! There’s a dirty world beyond that!”

               And the door suddenly opens up. From beyond the door is Matsuri, grinning happily with her bed hair sticking out all over the place. Behind her, Gintoki is rubbing his eyes in a sitting position while his other hand half-heartedly covering his yawn.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

               “You know, Kagura, Shinpachi,” Matsuri starts a conversation, “that morning antic has already been done when Ayame first made her appearance. You guys could be more creative, you know.”

               “Ah, right. We’re sorry,” because really, what else is Shinpachi supposed to say to that?

               “You sure know how to cook, uhuh!” because really, what else does Kagura care about other than food?

               “Talking about Ayame, though… Gintoki~?” Matsuri calls at at Gintoki seductively, who’s sitting beside her and hasn’t finished his food. Matsuri’s unfinished bowl was put on the table. She is now inching closer to Gintoki, little by little, until she places herself on his lap.

               “Uhh, Matsuri-san? What are you doing?” Shinpachi asks.

               Gintoki, for his part, doesn’t seem bothered. Or maybe he just didn’t get enough sleep to make too much of a protest. He seems to understand what she’s trying to do, though, so Matsuri continues. She puts one arm around Gintoki’s neck and another one snaking to his chest, slowly getting under his pajama kimono. Then she looks straight into his eyes, alluring smile that is mostly found in Yoshiwabara, and lifts her chin so that she’s in a position to kiss. Gintoki responds by looking down and slightly turning his face and inching closer to Matsuri.

               “GYAAAAA!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN FRONT OF US, GIN-SAN, MATSURI-SAN!?” Shinpachi yells while closing Kagura’s eyes.

               Just when their noses are about to touch, however, a loud crash was heard and there appears Sacchan, looking extremely furious and upset at the same time. Kunais in both her hands, ready to be thrown at will.

               “What do you think you are doing to my Gin-san, you ugly pig bitch?” she asks in a very menacing tone. Nobody really cares other than Shinpachi, though.

               “Good morning, Ayame!” Matsuri even greets her merrily, “Have you had your breakfast yet?” she offers Sacchan a bowl of rice…

               …which is then broken by a thrown kunai.

               “What are you trying to pull, bitch?” Sacchan has become angrier, it seems.

               “Aah… what a waste…” is Matsuri’s response. She then faces Gintoki again, “Gintoki,” signalling him to do something. Surprisingly he understands.

               “Oi, damn stalker, stop destroying my house, sit and eat, now!”

               “Why? Why are you being so cold to me, Gin-san?” Sacchan quickly turns into M mode, “I’m just trying to protect you from this fake woman who will surely take advantage of you! Can’t you see the maniacal things she can do to you? Don’t you understand my feeling at all? You’re so mean and cold! But, oh, it is the reason why I love you so. Therefore I will let that one slide and take up your offer, IF I CAN SIT BESIDE YOU AND HAVE YOU FEED MEEEE!!” she then jumps toward Gintoki…

               …who rises his feet to push back Sacchan on the face.

               She stands up and now walks normally beside Gintoki, between him and Matsuri. Shinpachi hands Sacchan another bowl of rice. Sacchan then miraculously produces natto from her hand. Doesn’t keep her from taking the fish and miso that Matsuri has cooked, though.

               “The cost of the broken ceiling, broken bowl and food will be covered by you, right, shameless stalker?” Gintoki says.

               “Kyaaa! Early in the morning, and already I’m hearing Gin-san’s nasty name calling!” Sacchan squeels, “More! Let me hear mooore!”

               “Shut uuuup!” Gintoki slams his half-empty bowl to Sachan’s face.

               Just before things get uglier (much to Sacchan’s delight), however, the doorbell rings.

               “Good morning, Gintoki-sama,” says a certain feminine robotic-voiced helper, “Otose-sama has sent me to collect this month’s rent. Please open the door before this song finishes.”

               But the door is opened before Tama even begins singing. The one who opens it is Matsuri. Behind her, peeking through the living room door, is Gintoki, who has been told by Matsuri that she would take care of it, whatever _it_ is.

               “Good morning,” Tama greets politely, “It seems that this is the first time we have met, since I cannot find any data related to you in my system’s memory.”

               “You’re right,” Matsuri answers, “My name is Matsuri, Shinsei Matsuri. I have been staying in this domicile since yesterday and will be here for an unknown extended time. Nice to meet you, Tama.”

               “It is also a pleasure to meet you, Matsuri-sama,” Tama responds monotonously, “But currently I am on a mission not requiring any pleasantries. If you may please bring Gintoki-sama over.”

               “I’ll handle his rent,” Matsuri answers, “Give me a minute to get what I need, and we’ll go down to Ayano together, yeah?”

               “Loading databank…” a whirling sound is heard from Tama’s inner machinery, “Terada Ayano is Otose-sama’s real name. Understood. Then I shall wait here for one minute.”

               Matsuri goes inside and grabs a wooden box from her massive bag. She then goes down with Tama to meet Otose. Still in the living room, Yorozuya co plus Sachan are discussing among themselves.

               “What’s she doing, aru?” Kagura asks.

               “Not sure, but it seems like she’s going to cover our rent.” Gintoki answers.

               “But why? How? And why?” Shinpachi questions. When there’s no answer Shinpachi stands up, “I’m going down to check.” The rest of the Yorozuya come along, leaving Sacchan alone.

               “I guess it’s past my screentime, huh?” Sachan asks to no one in particular.

              

_~~~~~~~~~~_

__

               The Yorozuya trio is watching a scene from the front door of Otose’s snack. It looks like Matsuri is pouring a drink to Otose from a bottle that probably was in the wooden box.

               “Its taste is beyond this world, right?” Matsuri says, “I’m telling you this is the real deal. The genuine White Diamond which is so rare, even the shogun has a hard time finding it. A glass of it equals to the most supreme wagyu steak of the castle, a bottle of it equals a good chunk of diamond. This, obviously, able to cover at least a year of the Yorozuya’s rent, no?”

               “Hmph, a drink is still just a drink served under my roof. I can’t profit with an opened bottle.” Otose argues.

               “That’s why I bring 2 bottles,” Matsuri cheers, “One to be sold, this opened one to be shared.”

               “Really?” Otose asks sceptically, “And where do you suppose I go and sell this overly-priced bottle of so-called White Diamond?”

               “Isn’t that the perks of having a _yorozuya_ on your second floor?” Matsuri grins in the trio’s direction.

               When Otose and Matsuri turn their head to the Yorozuyas, cold sweats start to drip on their faces. Selling a drink is easy, sure, but they know selling a drink that may cost more than Dom Perignon will be a very tedious task. And they just can’t shake the feeling something will go horribly, terribly wrong. But maybe that’s just men’s instinct, because Kagura doesn’t seem to feel the pressure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember writing this, and suddenly I didn't know where to place Sacchan in the whole shenanigan.


End file.
